


Perfect Taste

by navree



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: F/M, Gen, and i will love and cherish her the way no one else will apparently, her and the lovely relationship i'm one hundred percent convinced she has with dale cooper, if david lynch won't give me diane then i will give her to myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-05
Updated: 2017-06-05
Packaged: 2018-11-08 20:43:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11089542
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/navree/pseuds/navree
Summary: She's picture perfect in more ways than one, even he knows this. But even better, Cooper knows it, and helovesher for it.In the aftermath of the Black Lodge, one must wonder just how sacred is the lovely Diane to one Special Agent Dale Cooper?





	Perfect Taste

**Author's Note:**

> y'all keep trying to tell me that audrey's gonna be the special woman to save cooper when we can have the best relationship ever put to television coming to life before us?? nah i don't think so diane is gonna save her boss it has been #confirmed  
> as always, comments (either positive or constructive) are always welcome and much appreciated!

Oh, he must _applaud_ Agent Dale Cooper's taste in women. He never had any doubt of it, really, looking at the parade of film noir types that have come and gone in Cooper's life, each leaving their own distinct brand on him in a variety of different ways. But _this one_...This one is the ultimate prize, the cherry on top of the cake that is the women that have impacted Dale Cooper. There have been others, if memory serves, ranging from the wife of a friend to a seductively lovely girl with a crush to a sweet waitress with great big doe eyes and a kind smile. But this one is no Caroline Earle or Audrey Horne or Annie Blackburn, or even lovely little Laura Palmer. This girl is something else, something so deliciously wonderful that it could almost make him salivate. 

He's not fond of the various peeks he's had into Dale Cooper's mind, but he does appreciate how much they let him know about the mysterious Diane. The name rolls off the tongue effortlessly, smooth like silk and sweet like sugar. He's tried it out in the mirror, multiple times, that same seamless introduction, either cheerful or morose or contemplative, but always with a hint of fondness no matter the occasion. It seems the perfect name for her, as he watches her now, one the perfectly captures that makes Diane...Diane. Her hair is dark and tumbling and looks as soft as lamb's wool, and her fingers are slim and delicate, as if they were made of fine china rather than simple human bone. For a moment he entertains the thought of what it would be like to grind them into powder, before remembering that there is a façade to keep up, at least for the moment. And that means that he can't watch this girl as if she's his next meal, but more so as if she's God Almighty's most _beautiful_ creation. It's not a difficult thing to do, watching those lovely eyes look over documents with deep concentration, or those perfect lips curl upwards in an ever so slight smile, or that flawless skin crinkle whenever she comes across something she doesn't like. No no, it's not at all hard to watch her like a blind man seeing the sun for the first time.

The thing that he adores the most about this girl is just how much Dale Cooper cares about her. He's well versed enough in the art of humanity to know that not many men hold their secretaries in such high esteem, place them on so high a pedestal. But Cooper does. Cooper sees this beautiful woman, with her dark hair and her full smile, and he elevates her to the status of goddess in his mind. It's ridiculous, but true nonetheless. Of course, it's beyond clear that Diane cares about Cooper, in the way she brightens up whenever she sees him and calls him _honey_ on occasion and sends him flowers and caters to his insane requests even when she has more important things to do. She cares about him more than secretaries generally do about their bosses, and that alone could have given him much fun. But it's that the poor boy cares just as much. She's picture perfect in more ways than one, even he knows this. But even better, Cooper knows it, and he _loves_ her for it. He is a skin crawlingly kind soul, but that kindness expands into one of the purest forms of love ever seen when it comes to the wonderful Diane. 

Dale Cooper would rather die than see her get hurt. Dale Cooper would never find anything more exquisite than her smile. Dale Cooper knows that the time they went out together has made it into the top three of his "Ten Best Nights of His Life" list. Dale Cooper would hate himself if he ever drove her away from him. Dale Cooper doesn't even find it embarrassing that he notices every minute detail about her. Dale Cooper has never been happier than the first time he made her laugh hard enough there were tears in her eyes. Dale Cooper loves Diane so much his innocent little heart must be bleeding from the pain of it. 

Oh yes, Dale Cooper has  _wonderfully exquisite_ taste in women. 

He wonders how Cooper would feel right now, knowing that he is so close to his Diane, and knowing that his predilection to take beautiful things and turn them into dark, twisted, ugly perversions of himself. He can just imagine Cooper's fear, his loathing, at the mere idea of him within the same timezone as his Diane. It makes him appreciate the long game even more, knowing that he wears Dale Cooper's face, and that when he slowly dismantles his life and crumbles his good name into ash and dust, no one will be none the wiser. And beautiful, perfect Diane will look at her once great FBI agent and think that it is his true self who commits these atrocities, while the real Cooper languishes, weak and alone. No, there will be no immediate gratification in this new form, whether it be with some woman on the street, some improprieties with the codes and regulations of the Bureau, or even liberties with the scrumptious secretary. He will bide his time as he systematically destroys Cooper, and everything he holds dear. 

* * *

"Diane." It sounds like Dale Cooper, a hint of fondness mixed with the relief to be back in this familiar face, and the lovely Diane turns, a wide smile on her face. Had he a heart, it would have warmed at the sight. Instead, the matched grin on his face is entirely false. 

"Dale." He approaches with his arms open, giving her an entirely decent and quick squeeze, and feels the way a tension in her shoulders smooths away at the touch. But when he leans in to kiss her cheek his lips press too close, to the corner of her mouth instead, and rather than apologize he simply grins, watching the slight frown of confusion ease over as Diane finds some way to rationalize the subtle shift in behavior, not knowing how much he intends to make her world black instead of white, and up instead of down. 

Oh, he is glad that Dale Cooper has such perfect taste in women. 


End file.
